Let us be clear:
A LOOSE VAGINA IS NOT A SIGN OF CHEATING!
Breaking down the myth of a ‘loose vagina.’
The myth of a “loose” vagina has historically been used to shame women for their sex lives. After all, a “loose” vagina is not used to describe a woman who has a lot of sex with her partner. It is primarily used to describe a woman who has had sex with more than one man. But the truth is: it does not matter who you have sex with, or how often. Penetration will not cause your vagina to stretch out permanently.
Let us begin with “Vagina 101.”
The vagina is a muscular canal, and its tissue is elastic. Like super elastic - able to accommodate things coming in, such as a penis, or a monster dildo, or coming out, like a baby. As with other elastic tissues in your body, the vagina can stretch when it needs to, and then it bounces back. Take your mouth, for instance. When you yawn or wrap your lips around a double cheeseburger, your lips snap back to their normal shape and size, right? Same for a vagina.
The vagina is a muscle, and changes over time just like everything else as we age.
When any muscle tenses and relaxes, as muscles do, it can make the muscle feel tighter or looser. You can feel this during sex with someone with a “Vajayjay,” because the pelvic floor muscles relax with arousal, making the vagina more accommodating. Once a person is no longer aroused, the vagina bounces back to its original state. It does not matter how often or hard it is penetrated, or how big the penis/toy/fist it takes in - that relaxation is not permanent.
The only things that can affect the vagina’s elasticity are aging and childbirth, and the changes in tightness are not drastic by any stretch. Vaginal elasticity begins to change in a person’s 40s, when estrogen levels begin to drop in perimenopause. Lower estrogen causes the vaginal tissue to get thinner and drier, and eventually less stretchy.
As for childbirth, of course the vagina is going to change after a vaginal delivery. It just passed a baby through the birth canal and out the vagina. Any “looseness” will be most noticeable in the first few days after giving birth, but it will gradually return to its previous state. It may not go to its “OG” shape completely, and multiple births can result in a loss of a bit of elasticity, but again, nothing too drastic.
A tight vagina is not necessarily a good thing.
If you are someone who believes that a vagina that feels tight is a good thing, get ready to have your mind blown. A “V” can feel “tight,” when there is a lack of arousal or lubrication to increase its elasticity during sex.
This can mean that your partner:
- is uncomfortable.
- Is not as turned on as you are.
- is distracted.
- is dealing with anxiety, stress, or another mental health condition.
- is experiencing hormonal changes.
All these things, as well as aging, certain medications, and medical conditions can affect the production of vaginal lubricant. Therefore, they do not get as wet as is desired. The result is not a vagina that is physically smaller or tighter, though. You are just feeling more friction during penetration because there is not enough muscle relaxation or “Essence of Nature Ease In” sexual lube to help things along. By the way, even if you enjoy the feeling, that extra friction may be painful for your partner.
If you are turned off by this, it is time to do some soul searching to figure out why.
If your belief that your partner’s vagina is somehow too loose, thus affecting your relationship and how you feel about your partner in or out of the bedroom, it is time for some soul-searching to figure out why. It could be that you are placing blame on your partner for something that you are struggling with, whether you recognize it, or not.
Some possibilities to consider:
- You are anxious about your sexual performance.
- You are insecure about your penis size.
- You are dissatisfied with your sex life and afraid to bring it up to your partner.
- You are dealing with jealousy, resentment, or other negative feelings.
If any of these ring true and you feel like you need help working through it, consider talking to a healthcare professional, or find a sex therapist or sexuality counselor through the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists Directory.
How to strengthen your vaginal muscles
Pelvic exercises are a great way to strengthen your pelvic floor muscles. These muscles are part of your core and help support your:
- small intestine
When your pelvic floor muscles weaken from age or childbirth, you may:
- accidentally leak urine or pass wind.
- feel the constant need to pee.
- have pain in your pelvic area.
- experience pain during sex.
Although pelvic floor exercises can help treat mild urinary incontinence, they are not as beneficial for women who experience severe urinary leakage. Your doctor can help you develop an appropriate treatment plan that suits your needs.
Interested in strengthening your pelvic floor? Here are some exercises you can try:
First, you need to identify your pelvic floor muscles. To do so, stop midstream while you are peeing. If you succeed, you figured out the right muscles.
Once you do, follow these steps:
- Pick a position for your exercises. Most people prefer lying on their back for Kegels.
- Tighten your pelvic floor muscles. Hold the contraction for 5 seconds, relaxing for another 5 seconds.
- Repeat this step at least 5 times in a row.
As you build up strength, increase the time to 10 seconds. Try not to tighten your thighs, abs, or butt during Kegels. Just focus on your pelvic floor. For the best results, practice 3 sets of Kegels 5 to 10 times a day. You should see results within a few weeks.
Pelvic tilt exercises
To strengthen your vaginal muscles using a pelvic tilt exercise:
- Stand with your shoulders and butt against a wall. Keep both of your knees soft.
- Pull your bellybutton in toward your spine. When you do this, your back should flatten against the wall.
- Tighten your bellybutton for 4 seconds, then release.
- Do this 10 times, for up to 5 times a day.
You can also strengthen your pelvic floor muscles by using a vaginal cone. This is a weighted, tampon-sized object that you put in your vagina and hold.
To do this:
- Insert the lightest cone into your vagina.
- Squeeze your muscles. Hold it in place for about 15 minutes, twice a day.
- Increase the weight of the cone you use as you become more successful in holding the cone in place in your vagina.
Neuromuscular electrical stimulation (NMES)
NMES can help strengthen your vaginal muscles by sending an electric current through your pelvic floor using a probe. The electrical stimulation will cause your pelvic floor muscles to contract and relax.
You can use a home NMES unit or have your doctor perform the treatment. A typical session lasts 20 minutes. You should do this once every four days, for a few weeks.
The bottom line
Remember: A “loose” vagina is a myth. Age and childbirth can cause your vagina to slightly lose some of its elasticity naturally, but your vaginal muscles will not stretch out permanently. In time, your vagina will snap back to its original form.
If you are concerned about changes to your vagina, reach out to your doctor to discuss what is bothering you. They can help ease your concerns and advise you on any next steps.References:
How can I tighten my loose vagina? (n.d.).
My boyfriend gets upset that sometimes my vagina is looser than other times. He thinks I’m cheating, but I’m not. What’s going on? (n.d.).
Are my labia normal? (n.d.).
Castleman M. (2011). The rare truth about “tight” and “loose” women.
How deep is the average vagina and does it elongate when something’s in it? (n.d.).
Is it a problem if my vagina is purple? (n.d.)
Mayo Clinic Staff. (2015). Kegel exercises: A how-to guide for women.
Pendergrass PB, et. al. (1996). The shape and dimensions of the human vagina as seen in the three-dimensional vinyl polysiloxane casts. DOI:
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Ross E. (2015). Feminine odor problems? What every woman needs to know.
Sexual arousal in women. (2016).
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Wylie KR, et al. (2007). Penile size and the ‘small penis syndrome’DOI:
Photo Credit: Ava Sol