Oral Sex

Oral Sex

Oral sex is also known as “blow job,” “giving head,” “fellatio or fellation,” “sucking off,” and “cunnilingus.” Oral sex is using your mouth or tongue to stimulate your partner’s genitalia or anus.   

Oral sex is a personal choice; not everyone likes it or chooses to do it. Some like to give it, but do not want to have it done to them. 

There are a variety of ways to lick and suck to stimulate someone. Experiment with your partner to find out what gives maximum pleasure.  Communication is key. Talk with your partner to understand what you both enjoy and what you would prefer to avoid.

You should never give or receive oral sex just because you feel forced into it. Do not be pressured into any sex act by comments like, “It doesn’t mean we’ve had real sex – you’ll still be a virgin,” or “If you don’t want sex, at least go down on me,” or “It’s not as risky as having intercourse.”  Oral sex should be fun for both of you.If one of you is not comfortable with the decision, it can ruin the whole experience.

How to give a man oral sex.

A man’s penis does not have to be erected to begin oral sex. You can use your warm hands to arouse him by gently massaging and stroking him. As he stiffens to arousal, you may want to softly nuzzle and lick the shaft and head until you sense he is fully aroused. Then, while holding his penis to control how deep it goes into your mouth, lower your lips over his member and take it into your mouth to whatever depth you are comfortable with. Remember, the penis is sensitive.  Never use your teeth; that hurts. If you wear dentures (you are lucky), take them out. Start off slow and gently work your way up to faster strokes. Try different tongue and mouth techniques.  Make his eyes roll to the back of his head. When giving oral sex you can stop at any time. It is up to you if you want him to ejaculate into your mouth.  Do not do so just because he wants you to. Of course, if he is wearing a condom this is not an issue, plus it means you will both be protected against sexually transmitted infections (STIs).

How to give a woman oral sex.

Spend some time with the woman before oral sex. Work your way up to that point, kissing, touching, and blowing on her to help her get aroused. A woman’s genitals are more sensitive than a man’s. For most women, the clitoris, a woman’s best friend, has 8,000 nerve endings and is the most sensitive part. Without rushing, gently part her outer labia, locate her clitoris and taste her. Move your tongue to the area just above her vulva and taste her there. Go back to her clitoris and flick your tongue over her glans and give it a soft tug with the inside of your lips.  As her hips will move upwards to capture the sweet sensation of your kiss, move your tongue around the surface of her vulva and back to her clit. Repeat the motions in a slow rhythm at the start. Softly, using a relaxed tongue to make slow movements and work up to faster movements with a firmer tongue. You can experiment moving your tongue in different ways, trying different rhythms, taking cues from your partner to find out what she enjoys most. Send her to the moon; make her see stars and keep her there. 

How to give oral anal sex; also known as rimming 

Performing oral sex on your partner’s anus can be part of any sexual relationship, whether gay, bisexual or straight. If you are concerned about hygiene, do not be hesitant to ask your partner to wash first, or take a shower or bath together as part of your foreplay. Before you begin, your partner might like it if you gently kiss and touch the area around the anus, including the perineum (the area of skin between the genitals and the anus). You can then focus on the anus, circling your tongue around the outer area and finally inserting your tongue. Remember to listen to your partner and do what they enjoy, whether it is licking, sucking or gently probing. If you are giving oral sex to a woman, do not move from the anus to the vagina, as this can transfer bacteria and cause infection.

Can I get HIV and STDs from oral sex?

The risk of spreading HIV during oral sex is low. If the person living with HIV is on medication and has undetectable levels of HIV, then there is no risk of passing the virus on. STDs are a different story. If a person has sores in their mouth, bleeding gums, or sores on the genital area, it is highly possible you can spread herpes, gonorrhea, syphilis, or chlamydia during oral sex. Certain infections and viruses that are found in feces can be passed on through oral anal sex. This includes hepatitis A, Shigella, intestinal parasites or E. coli. According to “Healthline,” barrier methods of protection, like a dental dam, can greatly reduce your risk of sharing the fluids that carry these infections during oral sex. Use a condom if you are giving oral sex to a man, or a dental dam for oral sex on a woman, or oral-anal sex.  A dental dam is a thin, soft plastic cover that acts as a barrier.  Avoid oral sex all together if you fear any infections of any kind, or when she is on her period. Be mindful that you may not know if you or your partner has an infection, as infections can be passed on even if there are no obvious signs or symptoms. If there are signs of infections, seek medical help. 

Before oral sex or intercourse WASH! 

  • Shower or bath, or at least use soap and water to wash your genital area.
  • Use unscented wipes if you need to freshen up on the fly.
  • Avoid perfumes, deodorants or lotions down there; no one wants to taste lotions and perfumes.
  • Essence of Nature “WET” yoni wash for women is pH balanced; small enough to keep in your purse.

Sexual intimacy factors greatly in the success of a lasting relationship. Oral sex can be a useful ingredient in your recipe for a happy and healthy sex life. Making love and enjoying its pleasures are key to sustaining lasting happiness.  

Photo Credit: Alexander Krivitskiy

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