Bucket lists are typically filled with adrenaline-pumping, heart-racing items like “go skydiving,” “ride an elephant,” and “try dog sledding.”
But why not zhoosh up your bucket list with a few X-rated activities (er, sextivities) like “bop in a butt plug” or “ride a suction cup dildo.”
Better yet, why not make a whole ass sex toy bucket list — sex educators recommend it.
We believe pleasure is a fundamental aspect of a safe and healthy sex life. That’s why we rely on experienced writers, educators, and other experts to share their suggestions on everything from the technique you use to the sex toy you buy.
We only recommend something that we genuinely love, so if you see a shop link to a specific product or brand, know that it’s been thoroughly researched — if you know what we mean. Wink.
Yes, you need a sex toy bucket list
Sex toy specific bucket lists offer many of the same perks G-rated bucket lists do: They’re fun and motivating, plus they help you feel accomplished, push you outside your comfort one, and encourage you to prioritize the things you want to do.
They also have the added benefit of encouraging you to go sex toy shopping.
“Looking for just the ‘right’ one that has all the bells and whistles that YOU want is equivalent to nirvana,” says erotic educator Taylor Sparks, the founder of Organic Loven, one of the largest BIPOC-owned online intimacy shops.
Andy Duran, a queer sex educator and the education director for pleasure product company Good Vibrations, adds that sex toy bucket lists can help you get out of a sex-rut. And they can infuse your pleasure journey with a sense of novelty, adventure, and spice.
How a sex toy bucket list can help your solo sex life
No doubt, writing and working through a sex toy bucket list is a partner project.
But sexologist Marla Renee Stewart, MA, a sexpert for adult wellness brand and retailer Lovers, recommends making one just for you, too.
Crafting one of these lists is a useful exercise in self-reflection, she says. “Having a list like this also encourages you to take the time to focus on yourself, check items off the list, and, in doing so, learn what pleases you.”
Because sex toys have a cost to them, Sparks adds that making a list like this is also a reminder to yourself that you deserve to invest in your pleasure. *Fans face with dollar bills*
Make a date night out of crafting a list with your partner(s)
“In long-term relationships, especially, it’s easy to fall into sex habits with your partner,” Duran says.
For example, the same person always initiates at the same time of day, and then the sex plays out in the same way every time. (Sound familiar?)
“Lists encourage you to step outside of your habits and rediscover each other,” he says.
His recommendation: Make a date out of making the list together. “Making a list with your sweetie can be a really fun, intimate experience.”
To introduce the idea to your partner, you could say something like:
- “Babe, I have a kind of out-there date night idea I want to try… making a sex toy bucket list. What do you think?”
- “Consider this your formal invitation to a sex toy bucket list making date with me Saturday at 7:00 p.m. Please reply ‘Y’ for yes, ‘N’ for this doesn’t appeal to me, or ‘R’ for I love the idea but need to do it another night.”
- “I just read an article about sex toy bucket lists, and I thought it might be fun to make one together. Can I send you the link, and, if you’re interested, you can let me know what night works best?”
Start by using what you *know* you like
The best way to start figuring out which pleasure products to add to the list is to think about the types of sensation you already enjoy.
Then, match it to a sex toy that delivers that sensation — but better, faster, stronger, more consistently, or hands-free.
If you enjoy anal fullness, add a butt plug
Do you like multiple-finger anal fingering, anal fisting, or penetrative anal sex with a dildo or penis? If so, you may enjoy the sustained anal fullness provided by a butt plug, which is designed to go in your peach and stay put.
“There are vibrating and non-vibrating butt plugs,” Sparks says. “With all the nerve-endings in the anus and anal opening, why not add both kinds to your bucket list?”
If you enjoy oral sex, add a penis or clitoris pump
“Pumps mimic the sensation of sucking on your genitals that commonly appear during partnered oral sex,” Duran explains.
These kinds of toys draw additional blood flow into the genitals, which allows people to experience short-lived engorgement.
And, because increased blood flow is a component of arousal itself, Duran says these can also promote arousal at the beginning of play.
If you enjoy an intense sucking while receiving oral, want to experience fuller genitals, or experience low arousal, add “try the Doc Johnson Bloom Intimate Vibrating Body Pump” (or the CalExotics Optimum Series Advanced Automatic Start Pump or Shots Classic Penis Pump) to your list.
Or… another option is to pair an air suction toy with lube
Also known as oral sex stimulators, air suction toys are designed to mimic some sensation of oral, Sparks explains. But, because the toys aren’t wet the way mouths are, she recommends pairing them with lube to better recreate the sensation.
Oh, and you also want to take a peek at the size of the nozzle to make sure that your clit or the head of your cock will fit it. (Some nozzles are smaller than others.)
If you enjoy nipple stimulation, try a nipple toy
No matter the type of nipple stimulation you enjoy, there’s a nipple toy for your list.
Like having your nipples kissed? Add an air suction toy, like the We-Vibe Melt.
Like having your nipples sucked? Add a set of nipple suckers, like the Kinklab Bound To Please Nipple Suckers.
Like having your nipples bit or pinched? Add a set of nipple clamps, like the Sex Kitten Feather Nipple Clamps.
If you enjoy being hand-handled, try a stroker toy
Enjoy having your clit played with? Or feeling a hand move up and down the length of your cock? Add a stroker to the list.
Also known as masturbation sleeves, strokers are designed to encapsulate the external genitals and be moved side-to-side and up-and-down to mimic the sensation of oral, anal, or vaginal sex.
Next, think about your sexual fantasies
“Think through the sexual fantasies you have that you actually want to try,” Stewart suggests. “As you do so, think about the various props that you would need to fulfill the sexperience.”
“If your fantasy is about squirting, for example, you can easily translate that into adding at least four new products to put on your bucket list,” she says.
This might include:
- waterproof blanket, like the Liberator Fascinator Throw
- vibrator, like the Lovers Ruby Bullet
- suction toy, like the Womanizer Liberty
- internal wand, like the nJoy Pure Wand Metal Dildo
Similarly, if you have a fantasy of exploring double penetration, you might want to get:
- double-ended dildo, like the NS Novelties Colours DP Pleasures Double Dildo
- single-ended dildo, like the Fun Factory Limba Flex Dildo
But don’t shy away from trying new things, either
A bucket list wouldn’t be a bucket list without a few ~extra~ items. That’s where these spicy list prompts come in.
Save up for a sex machine
“A sex machine isn’t something you can tuck in your bedside drawer and hide away under your bed,” says Duran. (They’re a little bigger than a microwave.)
“Buying something like this is a commitment… but for people who enjoy penetration or vibration it may be worth it,” he says.
Packed with big ass motors, these rideable vibrators deliver a seriously pleasurable sensation to Power Seekers.
Furnish your freaky space with some sex furniture and positioning props
“People expect bed pillows, which are only meant to hold the weight of your head, to support their bodies during sex,” says Sparks. “But these will continue to collapse no matter how many you pile on.”
That’s where sex furniture comes in.
Cut down on costs by using the same toy in different ways
Whether multiple sex toys aren’t in your budget, you’re saving up for one of those aforementioned luxury items, or just want to get a bigger bang for your buck, consider using one sex toy in multiple different ways.
You might, for example, use a butt plug as a vaginal plug, or use a stainless steel wand externally and internally.
If you try something and you don’t like it
That’s OK! “A sex toy bucket list should function like a sampler platter at a restaurant,” Duran says.
In other words, you’ll probably love some of the things you try, hate other things, and be indifferent about the rest.
“What’s more important than enjoying the specific sex toy you try, is enjoying the experience of trying new things and learning more about you and your partner’s tastes,” he says.References and Credit:
Written by Gabrielle Kassel on May 14, 2021
Duran A. (2021). Personal interview.
Sparks T. (2021). Personal interview.
Stewart MR. (2021). Personal interview.
Photo Credit: Dainis Graveris