Not all sex is the same, even if it is with the same person. Sometimes, it is vanilla. Sometimes, it is kinky. Sometimes, it is quick. Sometimes, it is slow and prolonged. But the most important distinction is between when it is having sex, aka (let’s call it what it really is) “fucking” vs “making love.” Those are not mere words, but different ways of connecting sexually.
Fucking, aka having sex, is about you, while making love is about your partner. That’s why they say, ‘make love to me.’ It is about loving another’s body, inch by inch. You are focused outward, and on to the other body, whereas when you are fucking, you are focused inwards, on your own body.
Fucking, or having sex for sex's sake, is about reaching climax, whereas lovemaking is about enjoying every part of the process. From looking each other in the eye, to caressing the small of the back, to gentle thrusts; every touch, every look, and every little bit of contact matter when you make love. Whether or not you orgasm doesn’t matter as long as you connect with each other’s bodies intimately and appreciate and enjoy what you have. On the other hand, when you fuck, the focus is on having an orgasm. The only touch or contact that matters is when genitals are involved. You can do without foreplay or after play, as long as you can climax.
Having sex can start when you take your clothes off, but making love is about the sum of your interactions.
Just having sex with each other doesn’t require you to interact with each other outside of the bedroom at all. It doesn’t matter whether he calls you or how much he feels cared for by you. Feelings don’t figure. Fucking does not have to be a part of a relationship of any sort. Lovemaking, however, is as much an emotional and psychological process as it is physical. What this means is that every interaction outside of the bedroom counts, and either adds to the lovemaking or takes away from it. The more connected and cared for you feel, the more intensely you can make love to your partner.
If you are in a relationship, you have to find a balance because both are crucial to the success of your relationship. You can’t be only fucking or only making love. Sex is a way of communicating and connecting with each other and staying connected to yourself and demonstrating that to your partner is healthy and necessary for a sustainable relationship. This is where having sex comes in. As far as making love goes, it is fundamentally important it is that you show your partner how much you appreciate them.
You can fuck anyone, but you can’t make love to everybody. Obviously because when you make love, there is emotion involved. Making love is not about just the body. It is about all of you, and all of your partner, and to be able to do it, there has to be love and care.