Anal Sex

Anal Sex

What is sex?

Some people believe that it only counts as sex when a penis goes into the vagina. This is not true for all people. There are different kinds of sex and anal sex is one.

 Different types of sex include:

  • Vaginal sex (penis-in-vagina intercourse)
  • Oral sex (mouth-to-genital contact)
  • Anal sex (penis-in-butt intercourse)
  • Fingering or hand jobs (hand-to-genital contact)
  • Dry humping or genital rubbing
  • Masturbation (touching yourself)

Today we are going to talk about anal sex.

What is Anal sex?

Anal sex means penis-in-anus (butt) intercourse. Some people enjoy anal sex, and some people do not like it at all. Either way is perfectly fine. If you do not like it, or do not want to try it, it is not ok for someone to pressure you into it. Sex should feel good and be comfortable for both of you.

Anal sex can hurt if you are not relaxed and do not use a lubricant, such as Essence of Nature’s “EASE IN” sexual lubricant. The anal canal does not make its own lubrication, as the vagina does, so using a lube helps the penis (or a sex toy) glide into the anus easier and keeps condoms from breaking.  Do not use anything with oil in it, like Vaseline, lotion, or baby oil. Oil-based lubes can weaken a condom and make it more likely to break. Listen to your body. If anal sex (or any sex) hurts, stop doing it. Sex that is painful or uncomfortable should not continue and your partner should respect that.

You cannot get pregnant from anal sex. But there is a greater chance of contracting sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), including HIV, from unprotected anal sex (without a condom). Therefore, it is important to always use condoms and lube to lower your chances of getting an STD.

Can you have an orgasm doing anal sex?

According to the Journal of Sexual Medicine 94% of women have an orgasm during anal sex. I assume that is a YES!! The anus has sensitive nerves; some are connected to the genitals. In cisgender men and people assigned male at birth, anal sex can stimulate the prostate and lead to an orgasm. Prostate orgasms are intense enough to send waves of orgasmic pleasure from head to toe. For cisgender women and people assigned female at birth, anal sex can hit two hot spots: The G-spot and A-spot. Both are located along the vaginal wall but can be indirectly stimulated during anal sex. Like the prostate, these spots have the potential to produce full-body orgasms. Rubbing them exactly right may even lead to squirting and the phenomenon referred to as “female ejaculation.” Yes, please!

Why do people still consider anal sex taboo?

Taboo, or forbidden sex, is a common sexual fantasy. The mere idea of doing something that is considered “unusual” or “wrong” can be a huge turn-on. Of course, anal sex is neither of these things, but if it is not the norm for you, or you have been taught certain views on the act, it surely can be. Anal sex is much more common today than in the past. It can also be a way to explore new avenues of sexual pleasure. Breaking away from the normal routines of sex play to mix’s things up a little, anal sex can be a novel way to explore your sexual desires. There is nothing wrong with taking change with pleasure.

Try introducing new anal toys. Anal training kits are a lovely way to start. If you are new to anal sex, or if the penetration is too intense, try Essence of Nature “BACK END” numbing anal cream. This way you can focus on the pleasure.

How to get started if you are the receiving partner:

Being relaxed and aroused are key, especially if this is your first foray into butt play. Tell your partner to go slow do not force it.

  • Indulge in something erotic. The more turned on you are, the easier and more enjoyable butt play will be. Watch porn, listen to an erotic story, or just close your eyes and fantasize. 
  • Take a hot bath. A hot bath before anal play will help loosen tight muscles and increase blood flow to all your bits. Use bath time to give your erogenous zones a good rub-a-dub and show your anus some love while you wash up.
  • Practice with a butt plug. Sex toys can help you get a feel for anal play before experimenting with your partner. Take things slow and enjoy the feeling of the toy teasing your butt before inserting it.
  • Stock up on lube. There is no such thing as too much lube when it comes to anal. It is not just about the delightful slip and slide, but also an important part of anal sex safety.

How to get started if you are the giving partner:

As the giver, you need to bring your A-game. A little prep can help you help them have that anal orgasm.

  • Groom those hands. Trim and file your nails to prevent tearing delicate skin. Short nails also mean less space for dirt and bacteria to hide. While we are on the subject of bacteria, do not forget to wash your hands thoroughly before going in. You could also wear latex gloves, and for extra comfort insert some cotton balls. 
  • Use a condom. Condoms can be used on a butt toy and fingers, as well as a penis. If you want to use your tongue, a condom can also be cut open and used as an alternative to a dental dam. This is not just to prevent STIs, but also to nip the “ick factor” in the bud if you or your partner is nervous. 
  • Get in the mood. Foreplay can help get you both ready for what is to come and make entry into that special spot easier. Touching, kissing, and licking the buttocks and the area around the anus is a good way to get the party started.

You can make any of the usual sex positions ass friendly. Here is how:


To do this by yourself:

  1. Lie face down.
  2. Reach your arm behind you and rest it on your back.
  3. Reach your perineum or anus with your finger.
  4. Tease and insert at your leisure. 

To do this with a partner:

  1. Lie face down with your arms at your sides and legs slightly apart.
  2. Have them sit next to you on the side most comfortable for them.
  3. Have them gently massage your anus.

On your side, one leg to chest

To do this by yourself:

  1. Lie on your side.
  2. Bring your outer leg up toward your chest.
  3. Reach your hand around to your anus.
  4. Take your time to explore and stimulate as desired.

To do this with a partner:

  1. Lie on your side.
  2. Bring your outer leg toward your chest.
  3. Have them sit behind you to reach your anus.


To do this by yourself:

  1. Get down on all fours.
  2. Reach your arm between your legs or around your back to reach your anus.
  3. Massage and penetrate as slowly or as urgently as you would like.

To do this with a partner:

  1. Get down on all fours.
  2. Have them kneel behind you to reach your anus.


To do this by yourself:

  1. Stabilize your dildo, vibrator, or other penetrative toy on the seat of a chair or other flat surface. 
  2. Straddle the chair or gently kneel so that your butt is hovering just above the toy. 
  3. Slowly lower down and gradually insert the toy until you find the depth that feels best for you.

To do this with a partner:

  1. Have them lie on their back.
  2. Straddle them — or their well-positioned toy — with your knees on either side of their hips and your hands on the bed or floor.
  3. Lower your butt and use your hips and hands to control the depth.

Your anus is located at the end of your rectum, which is part of your digestive tract. The mucus membrane that lines the rectum contains glands that produce mucus to protect your digestive tract. Anal mucus is sometimes secreted when you have a bowel movement or during anal stimulation, but the amount of mucus secreted, if any, is not enough to help penetration. As stated above, the anus does not self-lubricate like the vagina. It is especially important to use Essence of Nature “EASE IN” sexual lubricant and “BACK END” anal numbing cream.

Safety is a must:
Although you cannot get pregnant, sexually transmitted infections (STI’s) are on the increase with a greater risk for those on the receiving end.  Small tears (fissures) in the delicate skin in and around the anus increase the risk of transmission of STIs, including:
  • chlamydia
  • gonorrhea
  • HIV
  • human papillomavirus (HPV)
Also, other bacteria:
Bacteria such as ShigellaE. coli, and Campylobacter are transmitted through feces. Contact with poop during anal intercourse is a very real possibility, even if you cannot see it.


Without a condom, one can also contract:

  • hepatitis A, B, and C
  • parasites, such as Giardia
  • intestinal amoebas

Never go back to front without cleaning and a fresh condom. Again, this is about the poop. The bacteria in feces can wreak havoc on the urinary tract, so if you decide to mix it up with oral or penis-in-vagina sex, you need to wash up and put on a new condom.

Anal training kits link

Bottom line:
Your BACK END - your decision. You choose what you consent to and with whom. Do not let a partner pressure you into trying anal sex, or any type of sex for that matter, if you are not completely sure you want it. As fantastic as anal pleasure can be, it is not a requirement for a satisfying sex life, whether you are partnered or solo. There are plenty of other ways to get pleasure if you prefer to keep your backdoor closed.

Anal ejaculate? (2018).
Anal sex and HIV risk. (2018).
Assi R, et al. (2014). Sexually transmitted infections of the anus and rectum. DOI:
Anal sex and HIV risk. (2019).
Herbenick D, et al. (2010). An event‐level analysis of the sexual characteristics and composition among adults ages 18 to 59: Results from a national probability sample in the United States. DOI:
Levin RJ. (2017). Prostate‐induced orgasms: A concise review illustrated with a highly relevant case study. DOI:
Photo Credit: Dainis Graveris

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