Mental Sex

Mental Sex

Have you ever had mental sex without touching a person?

Mental sex is totally normal. It allows us to explore our sexuality in a space that is super safe. There is nothing to be ashamed of; WE ALL DO IT!  it can be different from person to person.

It is something you must figure out on your own. Some use varying combinations of fantasy and breathing techniques to reach orgasm without touch. Some enjoy reading erotic literature and pornography. While others prefer to use pelvic floor exercises and more imaginative romantic scenarios. The key is letting go completely, so that you slip into a trance. Mental sex is an imagined sex that turns you on sexually.

You may be dying to act it out, or you may just like to think about it. No matter what your sex thoughts are, remember that your private thoughts do not define you - and that it is okay to have mental sex that conflicts with who you believe yourself to be in real life. Your mental sex thoughts are your thoughts, until and unless you choose to make it into more. Whether the situations you picture are tame or wild, “standard” or taboo, mental sex can be a deep well of joy and excitement. If you choose to act them out always approach with respect and consent.

Categories of mental sex:

  • Multiple partners.
  • Power, control, rough sex.
  • Voyeurism or exhibitionism.
  • Sex in unusual places.
  • Role play.
  • Passion, romance, and intimacy. 
  • Gender bending and homoeroticism.
  • Taboo and forbidden sex.
  • Infidelity.
  • Sex in public.
  • Sex with a celebrity.
  • Oral sex.
  • Pegging.
  • Bondage.
  • Gender swap.
  • Sensory deprivation.
  • Sex with an ex.
  • Sex with a stranger.
  • Anal sex.
  • Cosplay.
  • Lesbian sex.
  • Sex with someone younger or older.
  • Sensual massage.

Why we have mental sex:

  • to experience arousal.
  • because we are curious about different sexual sensations.
  • to meet unfulfilled needs.
  • to escape reality.
  • to explore a sexually taboo desire.
  • to plot out a future sexual encounter.
  • to relax or reduce anxiety.
  • to feel more sexually confident.
  • because we are bored.

How to bring your mental sex thoughts up to your partner:

  • Communicate in detail beforehand. Then, communicate during and after.
  • Establish a safe word (no matter what fantasy you are trying out).
  • Do some research on best practices for safety and mutual satisfaction.
  • Continue implementing safer sex practices.
  • Go slow. There is no rush!
  • Communicate and stay calm if things do not go according to plan.

The bottom line:
Mental sex is a normal part of life. Some may be hot only as mental sex thoughts. Others might be things you want to test out in real life. 
If you are frequently having mental sex thoughts about things that are not legal and want to explore these for real, consider meeting with a sex therapist to unpack the urges.  

Corrado C. (2019). Personal interview. 
Engle G. (2019). Personal interview. 
Lehmiller J. (2018). Tell me what you want: The science of sexual desire and how it can help you improve your sex life. Boston, MA: Da Capo.
Lehmiller J. (2018). Why do people have sexual fantasies?
Nudity and public decency laws in America. (n.d.).
Lehmiller, J. J. (2018). Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire and How It Can Help You Improve Your Sex Life. Da Capo Lifelong Books
Photo Credit: Craventure Media