Swinger definition: Married or in a long-term relationship and who like to have sex with other people's partners.
Why People become swingers?
Your sex life is dead, but your bond is not
Some couples just lose the flame but are still best friends who care deeply about each other, lead a very satisfying life together, and feel very connected on other levels. They don’t see why they should have to miss out on the sexual side of life, nor do they want to break up, so they swing.
You have kids
Some couples swing as a way of staying together but not really staying together. They’re great co-parents and they don’t want their children to grow up with divorced parents. They get along fine but are no longer in love. They don’t get a divorce, but they swing instead so they can both be satisfied.
Your partner is voyeuristic
Swinging can be a huge thrill for voyeuristic individuals or individuals with sexual fantasies that involve more than two people. These couples may not swing regularly, but occasionally, as a way of fulfilling certain fantasies.
“If you are or suspect that you attracted to other than who you are married to or in a committed relationship with, then swinging can allow you space to further explore your sexuality without feeling like you have to stop your current romantic involvements,” says Dr. Oriowo
You’re into jealousy/competition
Some couples need a certain level of jealousy and competition to feel aroused. Swinging provides this but within safe and clear boundaries. They get the thrill of feeling jealous, without the anger that can come with being cheated on.
You are a rule-breaker
If both individuals don’t care much for traditional, well, anything, then they may get into swinging. Maybe they even get off on doing things society would see as “naughty” or “abnormal.”
You weren’t meant for monogamy
Some people genuinely feel they aren’t meant for monogamy. They don’t enjoy the pain they bring to their partners by cheating, but they’ve never been able to sleep with only one person for an extended period of time. Swinging gives them an option to live their true nature without hurting anybody.
“No one person can meet all of your needs in a romantic or any other type of relationship,” says Dr. Oriowo. “This is a false narrative that so many people grow up with. However, if you and your beau are into swinging, this gives an opportunity for you to have all your sexual needs met by a variety of people as opposed to feeling sexually trapped in a marriage.”
Sex isn’t emotional for you
For some people, sex and emotions don’t go hand in hand. Sex is just a physically pleasurable act, like getting a massage or eating their favorite food. For this reason, they don’t feel their relationship is enhanced by remaining monogamous.
You need to enhance your trust
Many couples believe that swinging is the ultimate way to enhance trust in a relationship. They think that if you loosen your partner’s leash and let them play near the edge of acceptable behavior and they don’t push it, then you can trust them under any circumstances.
Divorce is on the table
The reality is that for some couples, swinging is just the last stop before the divorce. They think perhaps their relationship just needs some spicing up, or that they’re just not monogamous people. But they find that swinging doesn’t fix their bond and that they, in fact, have fallen out of love.
You’re ready to join the community
The swingers community is about a lot more than sex. There are swingers night clubs, bars, pool parties, cruises, and resorts. Whatever fun you’re looking for, it exists in the swinger’s world. Swingers tend to stick together and become friends, so it’s very common to hang out with other swingers outside of the bedroom.
Part of joining the community is finding ways to meet new people, but also learn more about yourself.
“I am a staunch advocate for knowing yourself in all aspects that one can,” says Dr. Oriowo. “We learn a lot in group environments. Not only do we learn and gather varying perspectives on how to complete the [task], but also learn about ourselves and how we work with others in the process. Swinging provides an opportunity to learn about the sexual styles of others, experience those styles, and in doing so, learn about yourself and what you like in the process. It’s probably the best group project to be in on.”
Uneven sex drives bore you
If one person has no sex drive or a very low one, and the other has a very high sex drive, they may agree to be swingers so that the person with the higher sex drive can be satisfied regularly.
Typically, the person with the higher libido will naturally swing more, but it’s only fair that both people have the option to swing. If you have uneven sex drives, be sure to talk with your partner about your feelings so both parties are fully aware of the issues at hand.
You need to be fulfilled
For some individuals, swinging goes beyond sex. They have dates with the people they swing with and even go on weekend getaways with them. In some cases, their spouse appeals to 80 percent of their personality, and they seek other partners to satisfy the other part of their personality.
So long as this is something both people are okay with, it can actually enhance the relationship and prevent arguments around their differences.
In your mind, marriage and sex are separate
Some people see marriage as an institution that is strictly about raising children in a stable environment, getting tax breaks, and other logistical factors. But they don’t really see sex and marriage as one and the same. If both parties feel this way, then swinging is the natural decision to explore.
If one or both people are bisexual, then the only way they can really be satisfied is by swinging. Some would say it’s unfair for a person who is bisexual to be limited to only sleeping with one gender their entire life. And in many couples, a person doesn’t consider it cheating if their partner is sleeping with a person whose gender is different than their own.
You don’t want to cheat or split up
Sometimes a couple realizes they both have a strong desire to experience other sexual partners, but not for lack of loving each other or still wanting to have sex with each other. They don’t want to have to split up because they sleep with other people, and they don’t want to lie to each other about it, either.
“Often, we are taught that sexuality should be expressed in the confines of a committed relationship or marriage,” says Dr. Oriowo. “For women, there is the added layer of being a hoe which would make someone seemingly unsuitable for life as someone’s wife. This can lead to a lot of missed hoe-opportunities or (heuxpportunities) which then can be regained through a relationship that allows swinging.”
How can you tell if a couple swings?
secret swinger symbols include a woman wearing an anklet, toe rings, thumb rings and switching your wedding ring to the right hand, according to alternative lifestyles website Bigger Love. They also cite white landscaping rocks and pink or purple decorations in the front garden as a signal of swinger activity
On a cruise (and sometimes also on land) 'pineapple' is code for swinging or wife-swapping. If you see pineapple on a cruise ship door it means that the people in the cabin are up for meeting other couples for 'adult fun'.
Let’s be real, negotiating the world of threesomes isn't exactly as seamless as you see in movies. Thankfully, threesome apps can be an excellent tool if you’re on the prowl for a ménage à trois.
“Looking for threesomes online is ideal," says sex coach Tiffany Yelverton, founder of EnticeMe.com and Sexy Survivors. "It gives people more discretion than going to a club and is a good way for newbies to ‘dip their toes in’ if they haven’t tried it before.” Plus, “just the thought of looking and exploring can add spice to a relationship, and simply imagining adding a third person can often be enough for some couples.”
Best for threesome newbies: http://www.3rder.com/
Best for serious threesome fans: https://feeld.co/
Best for other sexual adventures: https://hashtagopen.com/
Best for Casual threesome and group sex: https://getiton.com/?#/regpage/1
Best for those who hate downloading new apps: https://tinder.com/?lang=en
Best for swingers: https://www.swinglifestyle.com/
Best for trying something new: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=app.threesome.dating&hl=en_US
Best for casual fun: https://www.okcupid.com/
Best for experienced sex-plorers: https://passion.com/
Best for all sorts of fantasies: https://99flavors.com/?#/regpage/1
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